Reframing

Thank you to everyone who got in touch after my previous post. I’m happy to write about mental wellbeing (and the need to maintain it) and will no doubt revisit the subject again and again…

I think it’s just been a rough few months, and there do seem to be micro-problems keep cropping up like little toadstools at the moment. Joe’s school trip was cancelled yesterday morning; everyone had to be in school by 7.50am for an 8am departure, but the coach didn’t arrive until 9.35 so the whole thing ended up being called off. Cue lots of disappointed small people (and a rightfully angry headteacher).

Still on the subject of Joe: last Thursday afternoon he fell at school and sprained his wrist. He’s quite the drama queen so of course he came out at the end of the day clutching handmade get well soon cards, crying and telling me what absolute agony he was in. It was a slight strain - I took him to the chemist on the way home for them to have a quick look and we bought some Nurofen then he managed a good hour on his Nintendo and spent the evening having a lovely time watching The Hairy Bikers Go North.

Hmm.

The following morning it was back to the sighing, wincing, complaining and an Oscar-worthy performance when it came to eating breakfast and getting dressed. I called his bluff a bit and he did suggest he’d been - wait for it - exaggerating a bit. But by that time we were late, it was Friday and I didn’t want him to knock his wrist at school and recreate yesterday’s performance. So he stayed off and I lost my day of business planning and portfolio-building.

The point of this sorry tale?

Well, that I’m trying to reframe things. When life gives you lemons etc. etc. So I took him to the garden centre, where the cafe was lovely and quiet, and we had chai tea (me) and a blue raspberry slush (him) and picked up a few bits and pieces for festive wreath making. And I did get some time to crack on with things. Plus, he was so sheepish that he literally couldn’t do enough for me (the injury by now a seemingly distant memory) so I took full advantage of that. Heck, he even tidied his bedroom. Sort of.

I do like to browse Pinterest. A little quote/platitude popped up in my feed saying something about positivity and seeing your daily commute as ‘cute’ or something, and it struck a chord. So last week I decided that the lovely road we drive up and down every morning and afternoon: well, I was going to walk along it instead. So I did.

I dropped Joe at school, left the car and walked through the village, down some incredibly slippery old steps covered in leaves and moss, and set off on the loop that would (eventually) take me back up to where I started.

It’s always interesting to see a place on foot rather than just rushing by in the car; a small voyage of discovery. It is a lovely stretch, particularly at this time of year, with views across the valley to a road which runs almost parallel (that one takes you across the moors to Haworth). Both have a steeply wooded side and one which drops down into the trees, and both bend and curve upwards into the hills.

Occasionally we see deer walking in front of us. Always magpies (which I do salute if they’re solitary - and yes, it makes me look a bit nuts). But on this particular morning there were so many jays swooping down amongst the boughs and lots of little birds busily flitting about, and squirrels scampering.

I take my camera with me probably 90% of the time, and it does force you to slow down and notice details. So I saw all these tiny worlds; toadstools growing on the tops of stone walls, and piles of leaves with acorns scattered across them. Dew-covered spider’s webs and patches of mist which is seemingly ever-present amongst the valleys and woods.

I spotted new paths and tracks leading off the road, all waiting to be explored. Leaves were drifting down - I could actually hear them being released from the trees and I watched them swirling through the air.

Best of all - I just decompressed and enjoyed being in the here and now. That’s not easy as I’m always aware there’s stuff to do, places to be. Tuning that out - that compulsion to keep checking a watch or racing through a mental to-do list - takes a lot of practice and determination but it can be done. I just told myself I had six hours if necessary, and it wouldn’t take anywhere near that long to walk, so to just chill out and stop worrying.

It actually took almost two hours because I kept stopping and looking at things. And that was fine.

My walk to work is good too, but in a different way. I go by the park, along the canal and past Hebble End Works which houses units for craftspeople and makers, a vintage clothes shop and a cafe I keep meaning to try. There are geese and ducks, a grey heron who keeps watch from up high on a mill roof, the barges with their smoking chimneys, and the autumn colours reflecting in the water.

By setting off a few minutes earlier I can take this detour, not rush, and squeeze in a little bit of window shopping when I meet the main street again and head to the gallery.

After work I tend to stick to the pavements but that’s still lovely as it’s going dark and the shops have their twinkling Christmas lights and window displays to look at. There are still people going about their business, and you can smell hot food cooking in the pubs and restaurants and it makes you hungry.

At the weekend Joe went to the cinema with a friend and Jay and I had a few precious child-free hours, so we had a wander around town and a drink in the Vocation Brewery bar. It was nice to have a bit of grown-up time away from the house.

And the next day I met up with my friend (and neighbour) for a catch-up in a little cafe close by. We got mochas and cake (which we split so we could try both). It’s a vegan place and they make a chocolate and hazelnut torte which was just amazing and I need to try making myself. Although Joe has been on at me for over a year to try doing macarons. I hear they’re tricky. I keep changing the subject when he mentions it. Which is often.

This morning, I was rifling through the kitchen cupboard for the juicer attachment for the food processor (another short-lived health kick, post-torte) and I saw all the food we’d bought in for Mackie. It was the packets of cat treats that got me - the Garfield ones he used to go mad for - and I thought how sad it was that he never got to finish them, and it made me upset.

And now I’m tearing up as I type. I miss him.

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

We do want another pet, and we need a home of our own. I was up in the loft at the weekend and so many of our things are still in boxes and I want to enjoy them again.

We viewed a house last week which was lovely but just too far away from school. It already had two offers on it, and there were thirteen other viewings booked on the day we went. It’s crazy.

Speaking of crazy, I’m viewing one tomorrow on the same estate where we’ve lost out on three others. It’s a fixer-upper, block viewings again, tons of interest again, and - God help us - it’s being sold at auction. I don’t know why I keep getting myself into all this stuff.

Anyway, it’s time for lunch and then I have more things to do before school pick-up. I need to plan meals, do a quick cupboard/fridge inventory, make a shopping list, figure out Joe’s costume for Children in Need, sort laundry, do some business planning… my admin tasks were all done early doors and ticked off and I’m happy about that. I’m working on Friday so have tomorrow mostly free other than said house viewing. I hope I don’t fall in love with the place. I know I will.

(Almost) in the tradition of Gardeners’ World, Jobs Plans For The Weekend:

• Finish planting bulbs into pots (tulips, fritillaries, snowdrops, miniature daffodils)

• Possibly a day trip (the coast/Yorkshire Sculpture Park)

• Try and do a practice outdoor photo shoot with Jay and Joe

• General pottering

• Feet up (if we’re lucky).

Yes, I know it’s Wednesday but Wednesday is Hump Day and tomorrow’s Thursday and that’s always a good thing. Have a good almost-weekend!